Julia did not sleep, however. She did not sleep at all.  Her mind raced circles through life, looking for clues as to what was going on.  She didn’t want to believe Stuart was lying to her, but it was hard to conclude otherwise.  She felt guilty for not being a good wife.  She felt angry for being betrayed.  She felt bad about doubting him.  She felt foolish for believing. 

She refused to completely believe the worst; but she could not ignore that it was staring her in the face.  It did seem like Stuart was hiding something.  She knew him well enough to know that something was a bit off.

It was a long, long night.  She heard every tick of the wall clock.  Every dong of the hour.  She tried not to think about Olivia’s engaging smile and her cute, active kids.

Stuart slipped out early once again; but this time, Julia was up immediately upon hearing the door click.  She didn’t know what to do, but she could not lie by herself in the dark even a minute longer.

She went to their bedroom…still looking for clues.   She saw nothing except Stuart’s Bible—open by his bedside.  He read it every morning; no matter how early he had to leave.  Next to it was a small Advent Bible study.  Stuart had suggested they do it together, but Julia had never felt like waking early enough.

She glanced at today’s reading.  Isaiah 7:14, “Therefore, the Lord Himself will give you a sign: the virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel” (which means ‘God with us’).  This verse, written seven hundred years before Christ, was then mirrored in the Gospels, Matthew 1:23, “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means ‘God with us’).

The devotional went on to talk about Jesus, the Son of God, being God’s presence with us.  It ended with Jesus’ words at the very end of Matthew, “Lo, I am with you always…”

Julia took a deep breath, but for once, she did not burst into tears.  Immanuel.  He was with her. Always. Julia felt an unusual sense of peace and continued to chew on that verse as she took a shower and went through the motions of getting ready for the day.  She had nowhere to go; but she had to do something, and this was a start. 

Somehow, in the next eight hours, she needed to figure out what to say and do when he got home that night.  And all she had was one, very difficult set of facts. Suddenly, that was not enough. They were always telling Olivia to call if she needed anything. Maybe she had had an emergency. She picked up her phone again.  She would not wait eight hours; She was just going to call him back and ask him.

But the phone was already ringing.

“Julia!”

“Oh, hi!  It’s Carrie.  Hey, I just wanted to say thanks again for last night.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.  I was happy to do it.”

“I know it wasn’t easy…and, I didn’t tell you this, but Ryan and Elizabeth are coming home tonight and Elizabeth is bringing her new boyfriend.  I had no clue how I was going to get everything done before they got here.  I haven’t wrapped a single gift…I haven’t even made a menu for Christmas dinner…and I really wanted to be able to spend some time with Rick…so…you were a godsend.” 

Julia could hear Malachi screaming in the background.

“You know, why don’t you let me come over again and help you some this morning?  I can watch the little guy while you grocery shop or wrap presents…or whatever you need.”

“Oh, Julia!  I didn’t call to ask…I really just called to thank you.”

“Well, it sounds like you could use a little help and I’m free for a bit.

“I-I-Honestly…that would be amazing.  Olivia has been helping me out some, but you know she and her kids went down to spend the week with her parents.  I’ve missed her help for sure…this little guy isn’t giving me a break.”

“Olivia is out of town?  Olivia Green?”

“Oh yes, her parents are in New Jersey or something so she drove down to be with them over Christmas break.  We’ve been feeding their hamsters until they get back.  That is, we are supposed to be feeding them. Last night, right in the middle of the concert, I realized I forgot for the last two days!  I was so sure they would die on our watch that I couldn’t stand it.  That’s why Rick was texting Stuart in the middle of the concert.  He said he would swing by there on his way home.  We knew he was someone Eric wouldn’t mind having the door code.  It’s so nice having friends and neighbors we can trust…that’s the beauty of this community…”

Carrie was still talking but Julia had heard what she needed to hear.  Olivia was out of town.  Stuart was at the Greens feeding hamsters. 

Tears.  More tears.  But this time, they were the gentle tears of relief.  Julia sank back onto the couch in disbelief.  What a crazy roller coaster the last twenty-four hours had been.  It was seared in her mind and already a blur at the same time.  All this drama because of screaming babies and hamsters.

Her phone buzzed a few times and then rang.

“Hey, honey.”  Stuart’s voice seemed happy.

“H-hi!”  She didn’t know how to respond.

“So sorry I missed you last night.  I was tied up until late.  But the good news is, I think we’re pretty much wrapped up with the project.  I should be home at the normal time today.”

“Okay.”  Julia had never been good with words; but at this moment, she was so far at a loss that she didn’t even try.

“You alright?”

“Well…just…didn’t sleep…well….”

“I’m so sorry.”  His voice was kind.   “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too.” 

“Sorry, it was even later than I thought last night. Rick asked me to go by the Green’s. Then, I talked to Eric on the way over and he asked me to double check and make sure Olivia got all the pipes drained before she left town. It’s supposed to be getting even colder these next few days and he doesn’t want her to come home to busted pipes.”

“I understand.” She choked. “No worries. Glad we could help them out.”

“Love you.” 

Julia was still exhausted and in something of a fog, but she left light and free as she once again stood knocking on the door again at Carrie’s.  It felt a little like déjà vu, holding the screaming, struggling Malachi again.  “Remember,” she crooned to him, “we talked about this.  You’re fed.  You’re changed.  You’re loved.  Life is good.  You have no need to cry.” 

Malachi screamed on.

“You’re a slow learner,” she told him–noting the irony of a 32-year-old saying that to an eight-week old.   Yesterday, she had been reminded of how good her life was; all the things she had to be thankful for.  But it had not been enough.  She had focused on the things that made her feel safe and secure.  Then she had learned those things could change in an instant.

This morning, she had been reminded of the truth.  The real gift of Christmas.  The fact that God came down to be with us.  Not for a moment.  Not even for a few years.  But always— even to the end of the age.  No one and no circumstance could take that away.  The knowledge that God was with her changed nothing; and at the same time, it changed everything.

She didn’t have to have it all planned out; and she didn’t have to kick and scream against the plan God had made for her.

Eventually, Malachi slept and Julia and Carrie were sprawled on the floor wrapping a pile of gifts.

“This is terrible.”  Carrie laughed.  “Every year I tell myself I’m going to scale back the next year…well…here we are.  But when your kids only come home once in a while it changes things.  There’s nothing like feeling like you’re losing something to make you appreciate it.  You know what I mean?”

Julia did know what she meant. 

“What are you guys doing for Christmas?”

Julia shrugged.  “I didn’t make any plans this year.  My parents are in California with my sister’s family.  We don’t typically get together at Christmas.  Stuart’s parents invited us to celebrate with them in St. Augustine but…it’s so expensive to travel and we didn’t know how I would be feeling.”

Carrie nodded sympathetically.  Julia felt a twinge of guilt.  Stuart’s parents had offered to pay for them to fly down to Florida for Christmas.  The real reason Julia had said “no” was prideful and petty:  She didn’t want to accept their charity; and she didn’t want to be the only couple present without kids.  She had given a definite no and Stuart had delivered the news to his parents graciously. They seemed to understand.

By midafternoon, Carrie looked around with a happy sigh.  “We did it, girl!  Time for me to leave for the airport and I think this place looks pretty welcoming, don’t you?”

“I hope you have a great time!”  Julia beamed.  “And let me know if you need me to…a…feed the hamsters or anything.”

Carrie laughed.  “Thank you, Julia.  You don’t know what a gift you’ve been,” she said, meaning it.

“You don’t know what a gift you’ve been,” Julia replied.  Meaning it right back. Meaning it even more.

——

Julia had just lighted a candle on their own table when Stuart walked in the door.

“I have dinner ready!” she announced, but he seemed more excited about an announcement of his own.

“I have a surprise for you!”  He was beaming.

“Oh?”  Julia was surprised already.

“We’re going to Woodstock!”

“W-w-what?”  Julia had definitely not seen this coming.

“Yes, it’s only about five hours.  We’ll go tomorrow morning and stay the night at the Woodstock Inn.”

“Stuart…are you serious?  That place has to be booked months in advance.  Especially at Christmas.”  Julia knew all about it from last year’s intense planning.

He was grinning like a kid.  “You’re not the only planner in the family, you know.”

“But…the money?”

“Don’t worry.  I told you I was working late this week…and I have been.  But not on base.  I’ve been helping with a bathroom remodel on the side so I could pay for this.”

Julia hadn’t seen him this happy in a long time, so she smiled too.  “Let’s go!”

Come back tomorrow for the fifth and final installment of “A Year Ago, at Christmas.”